In one of my previous blogs "Failed New Year Resolutions" I introduced a concept Stop the WHAT and focus on the WHO. While this spoke at a fairly a high level, I thought it warranted further details, examples and even some exercises you can do for yourself. "
Let me start by introducing you to an old Japanese model called "IKIGAI" pronounced in English [ee-kee-guy].
This concept introduced as far back as the 800'th century had played an important role back then, and maybe even more important today for many reasons. The fast paced lives of the big cities, technological advancements, and the pressures that come from the wealth of information available via the internet today.
We can be easily consumed by these and be totally immersed without realizing it's happening. All of which can ultimately lead to the plethora of health issues that we observe increasingly all around the world.
While there's been a lot of talk over the past decade or more about "Life-Balance" this model is somewhat different.
Life-Balance has often resulted in an imbalance.
Some people take Life-Balance to mean more personal time, or more family time rather than work time. A very time focused need for balance.
While others have referenced the same to mean Quality not Quantity. The quality of work experience and the quality of personal experience.
Is it important to have a right and a wrong?
It's not possible to dictate to others how they should or shouldn't feel about life balance, or what meaning they give to it. The meaning each one gives to Life-Balance is very subjective to those that look at things subjectively or emotionally, and it is very objective to those that are more logical and objective in their thinking patterns or style. (But that's a topic for another day as it is more to do with how we are programmed to think, and our ability to be intelligent about the behaviors of others, not just our own.)
Back to our topic: WHO before WHAT.
When setting goals first you need to know WHO you are today, and WHO you might need to become. After all, the WHAT activities you set yourself as part of your goals, need to be aligned with your values and beliefs. They need to be ecologically balanced with your values and beliefs, as well as be ecologically appropriate to the world around you. Otherwise either your brain will reject your efforts to achieve these goals, or society will reject you. Just like some of what we do to the planet causes imbalances in other parts of the world.
It's a Yin and Yang effect.
When goals are aligned with WHO you are and WHO you believe yourself to be able to become, then goals are easy.
Keep in mind that these are never fixed. Each step you take towards your goals, will likely open up new opportunities you were not aware of.
Will these distract you from WHO you want to become, or will they further enhance it and contribute to your evolution into that person.
You are either Evolving or your are Dying - I am not sure if this a quote by anyone in particular, so if it's not I I'll claim it - lol.
I've heard this quote quite a bit over the last few years "What do you want your tombstone to say about you and the life you led, and what you leave behind as a legacy?"
Often a far stretch for young people to think about their tombstone, while for the older generations it results in a panic to do something meaningful because time is running out.
And again, if you noticed, the word WHAT shows up.
Better to have said "How do you want to be remembered? When people remember you, WHOM will they recall? WHO will they say you were?"
What makes IKIGAI relevant and important to our topic today? It is an amazing tool not just a philosophical model.
You can use this to identify with who you are today and expose the gaps into whom you would like to be at the end of your journey on this earth. Religions aside.
Let's do an exercise together. Take a copy of the diagram above, or create your own, whatever works for you.
Use pen and paper or use technology. It doesn't matter.
Before you start;
Find a quiet space where you can spend a good hour in this first go around to work through this exercise. If that's not possible right this instance, then continue reading so you know what we are going to do, and make time to do this later.
Next, we need to set a context for this exercise otherwise people get confused.
So we'll focus on WORK as the context.
Let's start at the top:
This concludes the first part of the process to answer the question in the context of WORK:
WHO ARE YOU? WHOM DO YOU WANT TO BE KNOWN AS/FOR?
Take your time to complete this, so you can look at this anytime over the coming years and adjust it to improve your clarity. When you have done this, the WHAT stuff that you need to do will easily come to you, and will feel right.
You will no doubt have gaps from WHO you are today and WHO you want to be in the future. That's the whole point. No one should start with WHAT if they have clarity on WHO/WHOM they wish to be.
BTW, we're not quite done yet. Would you have more clarity if you repeated this exercise while changing the context of WORK to HOME? Yes. Of course you would.
WHO YOU ARE IS MORE THAN JUST - AT WORK.
Take your time to complete this again but this time you are going to ask your family and friends.
If you get stuck and need help, feel free to reach out to me and schedule a quick call by clicking here.
Hope you found this useful.
Ever since you were born you have been learning new things. Every one of these involved your brain. Every time you repeated the same task you reinforced the learning. Repeat the same task enough times and you have now shifted this task into unconscious behavior.
Just like a computer program, your brain too is highly programmable. Now some of you may find it difficult to relate to being programmable like a computer, while others will get that straight away. Why is that? Simply, it's because some of grow up to be more comfortable with feeling and emotions, while others with logic and process. But that's a topic for another day...
When you learned to walk, you were a bit clumsy or a lot depending on how much practice you've had. The more you did it the better you got at it. When was the last time you paid any attention to your ability to walk? Most likely never. Why? Because you do it unconsciously. It's already been programmed into your brain, and frankly it is working just fine. The brain doesn't need to be concerned with that unless it falters, like if you trip - you might start being aware of picking up your feet more, rather than shuffling. Otherwise you just don't care.
What about brushing your teeth, or driving a car. When you first started learning to drive, you were probably clumsy there too. Drifting into the wrong lane, stopping abruptly - almost giving your passengers whip-lash. Unable to shoulder check or check your mirrors without drifting outside your lane. But the more you practiced the more you got better. While you may wonder about some people's driving skills - lol, unfortunately some people never fully master driving, while others go on to race cars. They learn to manage almost any vehicle at very high speeds. Why is that?
Those of you familiar with computer programs will quickly understand what I mean. Let's take your job at work as another example: Have you ever done a computer task enough times that you eventually decided to automate it. Maybe it's as simple as checking your bank statement. In the old days it was all done manually with bank books. Now it's all electronic. Someone thought it would be a good idea if we didn't have to manually sit and add up the math to check if the bank teller made an error, which used to happen more frequently then we'd like to admit.
Another example: In marketing today, there are many tools which automate the steps we used to manage manually. Email notifications, and auto responders let people know when you are away on vacation, and so on.
All these happen automatically, just like walking, brushing teeth, driving, etc.
If my brain is like a computer; able to load unlimited number of programs, then how do I program my brain. There is no keyboard or computer programming language. Well, if you found that last statement a bit obvious, think again. You may not have a keyboard which looks like the ones on you computer, but you do have a keyboard. It's your Physiology. You hands, eyes, ears, in fact your whole body is your keyboard.
Is it possible for you do anything without using your body? No! It's not! I know I haven't mastered telepathy, yet. What about you? Can you move objects without using your body? Of course not!
If you want to learn to be a Pilot, guess what? You can!
You want to learn to play golf? You can!
Want to learn programming? You can!
Want to practice being a better leader rather than being a jerk, or dictator. Yes, there is hope for those too!
To the brain, every new experience will likely seem awkward, and uncomfortable, because you have never done it before. And your body doesn't know how. Teach it and persevere with it and you can master it.
That's what programming our brain is all about. First it's a conscious effort, and it might be difficult, then it gets easier. You may not be a superstar at everything you take on, but that's either because of physical or psychological limitation or just lack of practice. In most cases the first two are just excuses, the reality is almost always it's lack of practice.
Many people try something once and find it difficult and quit trying.
Remember that old cliché "If you fail once try and try again". Programming your brain is easy.
We have each been given a Conscious and an Unconscious mind. Use your conscious mind to control your effort and commitment so that it gets easier and becomes an unconscious skill.
Want to know a little secret about how language can influence a sale?
What if you could close more sales using a couple of language secrets that no one is telling you about?
Closing a sale has 3 stages, and all of them relate to your language. And all of them start with your prospect’s language.
Ever wondered why you made that sale, or why you didn’t? We’ve all been through it. So what’s the little secret about language that could change your ability to consistently close more sales?
I am going to share with you some little language secrets, and I trust you will apply these appropriately.
Behaviors include spoken and body languages. Behavior Intelligence (The BI in LeadershipBI and CoachSuccessBI, etc) is the ability to observe and interpret behaviors in order to communicate more effectively. It's the ability to influence through effective and correct communication aligned to your subjects neural-programs (their unconscious mind).
Yes, neural-programs! The brain’s receptors are only open to receive information that is aligned with the programs they run.
Example: Imagine getting to a border crossing which caters for different size vehicles. From motor bikes, cars, vans, trailers, and large trucks. Each line or queue is set up to receive specific size vehicles, and each officer is trained to only accept the specified vehicles at his gate. A truck cannot be received at a gate designed for cars, and a car cannot be received at a gate for motor bikes, and so on. This is the same with the brain’s receptors. Each officer at their designated gate is trained to handle those specific types of vehicles at their gate. This is the way they have been programmed (trained), much like the programs that run in our brain unconsciously when we are listening and engaging in conversations with others.
In order for our message to be received rather than being ignored or deleted, or even distorted to fit what is being expected, the message needs to match each person’s programming. Sounds difficult? Well, it can be. Which is why I am going to share these little secrets with you to simplify it.
Just like when you arrive at the border crossing, and you read the signs in order to decide which gate matches your vehicle, you can address your language according to the language others are open to receiving.
Now before we get to the HOW, we need to explain the WHAT. The research conducted by scientist, psychologists, and neuroscientists identified many programs that people run, and they grouped these into categories in order to make it easy to put specific words in the right category. Like the lanes at the border crossing.
I am only going to touch on a couple of categories that relate to sales which will help you the most. There are several others that can be considered when talking about sales or leadership, and those are covered in our training in much more detail. If you are interested please reach out via our 'contact us' form.
First category: Filtering information for Steps or Concepts. People will process information, and receive information based on their need for Concepts or their need for Steps. When you get an Ikea kit to put up a table or shelf, do you read the instructions and follow along step by step, or do you look at the picture and from that you have enough idea of the concept.
Second category: Filtering for what is Familiar versus what is New. People receive and acknowledge information by comparing that information to what they already know. Depending on whether they accept information based on their need for that information to align with what they already know, or their need for new information. Someone who needs new information might consider information that is the same as what they already know as unimportant. Whereas someone who filters for what is familiar finds that comforting and is more accepting of that information because they can relate it to something familiar to them. Conversely they would find new information unsettling.
When you combine these two categories you have 4 possible combinations. Steps with Familiar, Steps with New, Concepts with Familiar, and Concepts with New.
There is no guarantee that two people in similar roles would have the same combination, so you need to ask the right questions to discover which combination exists with your prospect or team member.
Why is this important? If you offer a new concept, no matter how great that idea is, to someone who is Steps with Familiar you cannot possibly convince them to buy your idea. Your idea will never fit through their gate. You are in essence at the wrong gate. It’s like trying to ram a semi into the lane for motor bikes. It just won’t fit and will be rejected by the officer at the gate.
To know your audience ensures that your languages lines up with their receptors. Your language would flow smoothly to that part of their brain when their unconscious programming matches what you are saying. So they get you instantly!
BTW, when they get you instantly they like you better and are far more quickly to trust you rather than when you try to fit a round peg in a square hole. The latter just creates friction and disagreement - aka No Sale.
Here are the 3-steps little secrets:
IMPORTANT: Do not alter these or you will trigger the wrong response.
The answer to the first question tells you how long they’ve been doing the same thing, whether at the same company or with other companies previous to that. If it is the same then they likely want to compare what you offer against similar experiences in their past. If what you offer is similar it will be accepted. On the other hand if it has only been short time in their current role and similarly in their previous roles, then you can be assured that they are looking for someone that will offer them something New.
The second question will result in an answer that is either a flowing story or short bullet points. A story with intertwined sequences is like Steps that occurred, for the most part, without their control. So that means they prefer for the world to provide rather than for them to create. However, if the answers seem to be a little disjointed and short bullet points, even with explanations as to why they took those actions, then you know that they like to take charge of creating the solution.
To help understand this better be sure to watch the video above at least a couple of times. Don't be shy to post comments and ask questions below.
In order to win a sale with a person that is New with Concepts your proposal and discussion with them needs to use language that causes them to participate in creating something new. You are like the inspiration for their new idea. You can steer this with your questions to lead them towards your product or service. More on this in our training.
In order to win a sale with someone who needs Familiar with Steps, you need to get them to remember something similar and show them the steps that you would take.
I hope this is becoming a little obvious. Your language can be made to match their neural-programs. That’s easy once you know what their neural-programs are. Without this you are taking a stab in the dark.
While this is just a brief snapshot,
I hope you can benefit from this.
When I started down this path it was to fix a problem. So many business owners, HR managers, and recruiters failed to get the right person in the right job. The millennials want to work for the right company with the right culture and have growth opportunities. Unlike previous generations that were just happy to have a job, save their money and enjoy life. Today with we’re faced with “Life balance” and “Entitlement”. Whereas before it was simple “Gratitude”.
How do you help a small business that cannot justify the cost of a recruitment firm or in-house HR manager to get the right person, and doesn’t get enough practice at interviewing to be able to tell the difference between a nice guy/gal, and a good fit for the job. Even experienced HR and recruiters will tell you that most of the time they are at best 50% lucky to get the match right. So what’s the point of all that experience when it’s not any better than sheer GUT instincts, which so many owners and leaders still swear by.
I constantly shake my head when I hear people tell me “I just know. It’s gut instinct.” When you question them to provide statistical data to support that, it’s either non-existent or they start to share all the mis-hires they’ve had, which supposedly taught them to trust their gut.
Who needs science when you can just use your gut. Culture, Management styles, and requirements for the role are not important – I just use my gut instincts. It’s worked well so far.
Then you have the Personality profiles for people. We use profiling to assess the match!
“How is that working out”, I ask.“well, it’s good. We’d never hire without it”.
“So, you can tell Culture, and how they respond to the management style and expectations of the organization?” – Blank looks.
Followed by “We can tell if they are suited to the job, by their personality”.
“Really”, I respond.
“Because personality tells you a bit about who they are, but doesn’t tell you how they behave in specific situations”.
I maybe an Influencer, or Persuader, but that doesn’t tell you how I respond to stressful situations, or going out to meet and engage people.
Well, these are the real things that matter about matching someone to a Job; Culture, Management style, and the Clients you attract.
Understanding behavioral responses to situations tell you a great deal more than personality. Behavioral responses are developed and programmed through learning and experience. We develop habits. It’s what differentiates human beings from animals, from apes. We act, receive feedback, correct, adjust and repeat. Eventually, these become our automatic responses, observed automatic behaviors.
After many years of research and studies in this field insights come from Neuroscience and Nuro-Linguistic-Programming. Yes, programming.
Do you know how many automatically programmed responses you have which support your values and beliefs, your protection mechanisms for balance, safety, survivals, and so on?
Hundreds. Thousands. Everything from driving a car to being told what to do, and much more.
We call them instinctive responses, but they are actually programmed responses.
What if you could measure these?
What if you had a system, a tool that showed these, match these to specific situations, specific jobs, tasks, responsibilities.
Wouldn’t that be worth having? No more guessing or gut decisions.
This is not personality, it’s behavior.
Two people with similar personalities can behave differently in any given situations because of their programmed responses. AccuMatch identifies key behavioral responses as these relate to a role, task, even management style and culture.
Now let’s move beyond just hiring. What about managing people. Motivating them. Knowing how they respond to situations.
How useful is that to management? Leadership? Getting everyone on the team rowing in the same directions?
If I know that someone on my team will always respond to a new idea with“Why are we doing this?”, as opposed to another who responds with “How do we go about this?” Wouldn’t that make your ability to get the team aligned far easier?
What about someone that wants to be given a problem to solve, versus someone who just wants to be given the steps to follow in that situation.
It’s not personality, it’s behavior.
We want to do better and be better at what we do but sometimes we feel we’re being held back by things either outside or inside us. Well, I’ve got some good news for you.
We all have the ability to win at whatever we do. We can all have a winner’s mindset. The challenge usually has to do with discipline and willpower. It’s actually simple: it all comes down to doing what matters most rather than dealing with distractions.
Distractions are things you can’t control. They are things that trigger you to do something you hadn’t planned on doing. For managers, this could be a phone call, an email pop-up on your screen, or someone walking in with a question. The list is endless. These distractions mess up your time management and often keep you away from achieving that winner’s mindset.
Do you want to know how you can take control of your time and become a winner every day? It takes a simple exercise, which I’ll share a bit later. For now, think about the following statement: “Whichever one you feed will win the day”.
You can either feed–in other words, direct your attention to–the things you have planned for the day or you can feed the distractions. If you feed the distractions, at the end of the day you will feel like the distractions won out, and will be frustrated that all the things you had planned to do are just not done. Now you have to start tomorrow with what you didn’t get done today plus all the stuff you had planned to do tomorrow. A classic vicious circle that leaves you exhausted and further from the goal of winning instead of closer to it.
So, here’s a quick suggestion: take a few minutes at the end of each day and list all the things that demanded your time and you could not ignore them even if they were not in your plan for that day. List no more than 10 and each day record how much time these take from your planned schedule for that day.
Is it possible to eliminate judgement? What does that mean?
Watch this short video.
Top coach shares the value of AccuMatch to coaching a sales manager.
Get more clients and keep them longer.
Mistakes leaders are doing that stifle growth.
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Watch short video about how we map the brain’s neural-patterns using AccuMatch Behavior Response Map.